Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
