that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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