her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
