oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
