white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
