I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
