Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
