Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
