honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
