Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
