after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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