you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
