Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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