i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
