Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
