someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
