Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
