very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
