if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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