Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
