you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
