Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
