You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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