she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
