Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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