She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
