I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
nutella sex= disaster
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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