We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
