i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
