): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
