did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
