I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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