mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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