I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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