I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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