Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
