There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
