if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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