I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
