Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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