marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
