Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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