Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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