He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
