i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
