turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
