found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
