so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
