That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
