Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
